Insane Jealousy

Published on September 28, 2004 By CariElf In Personal Relationships

So, I get this IM from one of Stardock's customers on MSN, or more accurately, his fiancee. The fiancee told me to never IM the guy again, or I'd be sorry, calling me two very not nice names, neither of which are accurate. So I told her that it wasn't like that, that he only asks me for help with programming questions occasionally, and I used one of the same terms that she used for me. The conversation went downhill from there, involving swearing on her part. I ended up telling her that either she loved and trusted him or she didn't, and if she couldn't trust him, she had to deal with him, not me. She, of course, didn't appreciate my words of wisdom. I let the conversation drop. As mad as I was, I started feeling guilty for my poor behavoir. I didn't quite stoop to her level, but all I really succeeded in doing was antagonizing her further, which probably caused the guy some trouble. I apologized to him when he came on IRC later. He said that he would pass it along, but the apology really was for him and not her. I didn't tell him that though.

Update: his girlfriend found me on IRC just now and IMed me to taunt me and swear at me some more. How immature!

Jealousy is an evil emotion, particularly if you let it make you obsessively possessive. This is not the first woman that I've encountered who doesn't want her man looking at or talking with any other female, or even worse, tries to cut him off from all his friends. I can't see why any guy would date a woman like that, and I can only conclude that she herself has poor self esteem if she's so afraid that some other woman will steal her man.

This inicident made me think about what I'm going to feel if Ryan starts dating another woman (see Link, Link and Link). I might be a little jealous at first, particularly if I haven't found someone by then, but even when he was dating his last girlfriend, I wasn't so much jealous at her as really mad at her for making him miserable. I think that's going to be key. If I perceive the woman as making him unhappy, I'm going to have a really hard time not saying anything to Ryan about it, and it's going to make it harder for me to be nice to her. I was able to be nice to Ryan's last ex, but that was before he knew how I felt about him. If he dates another woman who makes him miserable, it's going to be like a slap in the face to me. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I suppose I'm just going to have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Comments

Draginol

on Sep 28, 2004

That's really a shame but not that surprising. Consider how things must appear from her point of view - her boyfriend is a developer and probably very into programming and he's talking to what may be the most well known female game developer (as in coder) in the world, it has to be a bit intimidating.

CamMeg

on Sep 28, 2004

Here is my opinion in regard to her reaction to the communication you have with her partner. First in regard to her iming you. I think this initiative taken on her part shows their is a lack of communication within the relationship she shares with her partner.

She may not have known in her defense that you assist him with information in regard to programming questions. As far as personally attacking you that is an entirely different situation and definately shows she has some personal issues she needs to gain control over.

If the case was she was unaware of what type of relationship her partner and you shared he should have informed her if he had she may never have taken such a step to begin with unless as you state in your article trust is a concern or has been in the past.

Unfortunately, you reacting in such a volitile way to her reaction of the situation can as you say add fuel to the fire. I make this statement placing myself in the woman's shoes minus the accusations and insults of course. I would think why if programming information is the only thing being exchanged is she reacting in such a defensive manner. Then again if insults and accusations were not made you more then likely wouldn't have reacted so strongly either.

Good article I agree I personally see nothing wrong with one's partner having friends of the opposite sex but I also feel if your in a serious relationship you are aware of who your partners friends are and the relationship they have with those friends.

Have a good evening ~!~

~Peace,Love,Health & Happiness~ Extended to you

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